songs to carry in ur pocket as u face to the void

by Butterfly Bandage

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1.
02:58
2.
03:16
3.
01:06
4.
01:19
5.
04:12
6.
02:08
7.
01:40
8.
06:59
9.
02:12
10.
02:04

about

butterfly bandage is mackenzie morris

FEELING

i don't want any feeling
just for a little while
all of the trouble breathing
will be left behind

and all of the bleeding
hateful sun in the sky
i don't want any feeling
just for a little while

if there's no other way to make this pain leave fast
i'll just pretend i'm asleep
at least that counts as rest

and if i lose all my friends
while i am sound asleep
at least one day i'll wake up
to when i loved everything

TREES

open the window and watch
the wind blow through the trees
i can't believe the way that
i ruin everything
all of our hearts are bleeding
out with anxiety
all of the wind is blowing
gently through the trees
nothing is right with you
and nothing is right with me
all of the pretty birds are
singing in the trees

i called you up to talk again
the words i said weren't what i meant
communication is a skill that i
could use improvement in
oh my crying eyes
oh i'm not surprised
everything will work out you tell me
but i don't believe your lies
i mean it will be fine
but it will not be fine
i'm changing my definition of the word fine
from night to night

like the way i asked you to help out
that fucking whining sadness sound
the sound of irresponsibility
and a mental breakdown
i'm asking you to listen now
cause everything is still in doubt
i don't know when it will get better
or what that means anyhow

and we talked about the things i said i'd do but didn't
and we talked about the things i meant to say but couldn't
and we talked about the ways that you thought you could help me
and we talked about the ways that we both were still hurting

PROBLEMS

need you to be there
i don't trust myself to function on my own
want you to like me
when i don't know what that takes to do

problems
never leave
they just change to different things or
maybe
resolving
just eludes me consistently

need me to be there
you don't trust yourself to function on your own
want me to like you
when you don't know what that takes to do

problems
never leave
they just change to different things or
maybe
resolving
just eludes me consistently

CAPTAIN

all the ways i tried to fix it
didn't work the way i thought
maybe they worked some other way
there's no way to make it stop

ride the waves of pain away
i will be forever lost
all my friends will die some day
captain of the saddest thoughts
my ship will sail across the sea
full of woe and cries and sobs
i do not want comforting
captain of the saddest thoughts

it's ok to let me suffer
it's ok to let me cry
but if i cannot face the water
i might need your help tonight

ride the waves of pain away
i will be forever lost
all my friends will die some day
captain of the saddest thoughts
my ship will sail across the sea
full of woe and cries and sobs
i do not want comforting
captain of the saddest thoughts

SNOWING

there is no answer to the question
at least it's pretty when it snows
but if you follow your desire
maybe that way you will know
what your heart has to say
what do you hate
what do you adore
need to escape and
what could let you feel this way
one more day
you're still mourning
but 'get up, get up' they tell you
you say 'go to hell'
i bet you wish that you had time to apologize
or tell another lie

are you alive or are you dead
i don't know
i need a little longer
to get a grip and keep hold
will it take just a bit
or will it take a while
don't force me into it
i still don't understand this

but as i walk across the snow i feel sure
i'm wide awake heading right through the storm
and all the pain remains as part of this love
i can't breathe for love

this body i thought was mine is
full of everything at once
as i begin to lose touch
i can feel God inside my blood

Q.I.

always feels this way
nothing's real again
can you hold my hand
can you tell me something
does it feel this way
are things real again
can i hold your hand
can i tell you something

will all the ways that i've worked so hard to live
follow through to an early tragic end
is there anything to worry about
fuck it all i'm gonna worry out loud

nothing hurts me more
than seeing all the pain you're in
but i can't help myself and i can't understand
it feels less real to me
when it's my own pain that i'm in
cause i don't belong here i'm just an alien
tainting this violent world
with my own violence
don't think i'm natural i mean is anything
and i don't wanna die
but that makes me wanna die
but can i help myself but can i understand

(quantum immortality)

LOVE SONG

you have crossed
the border of me
we are made
of both of us
throw yourself
into my body
this is what it
means to trust
hold my heart
inside your hands
and i hold yours
as we trade places
everything
has turned to dust
everything
has become sacred

are we both doing this right
and is it possible
for you to become someone else's
mental hospital
you burrowed inside my head
do you feel safe there
i burrowed inside your head
am i safe in there

GENDER

[incromprehensible screaming]

QUEST

help me on my quest
i do not know what i need
trying so hard only hurts me
i think i give up on searching
i sit and wait here
i will wait indefinitely
yes now this will be my quest
and i would like you to help me
can you maybe hold me
can you tell me it's ok
other days i won't believe you
but today that's all you need to say
did you know i love you
i didn't know you loved me
yes it helps me lots to hear that
on my quest i embark quietly

BANDAGES

i walked up to you
before i went to leave
i should have said my piece
communication is too complicated
just like every effort more than breathing

or sleeping
curled up and painful
you matter too much to me
for me to be unable

to help you
work through everything that's still hurting you
but i might not be there
cause of all the unhealthy things that i still do

and i can't believe
how hard it seems to be
to even keep myself together

sometimes
when i want to die
i try to remind myself that
that there is nothing more powerful
than all the love i have had

credits

released 25 January 2015

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